1. Target the problem, not the person
If a family member blames you for something you have done, it is important to be careful about how you defend yourself. It is not a good idea to use ways that cause hurt, even if they would help you make a valid point.
If you can think of an instance where the other person has done exactly what they accuse you of, for example, it would not be good manners to throw it in their face. You should only bring it up if you don't have a choice. Then, you should make sure that you do it respectfully.
2. Remember that people are different
Even if a family member habitually goes against reasonable wishes you may have, you should understand that people genuinely see even the most fundamental things in very different ways.
If you consider any noise after midnight to be intolerable, for example, others may genuinely see it is completely acceptable. It can take them a great deal of time to change their behavior for a demand that they do not understand.
3. Look for patterns
Think about the familial conflicts that you are worried about now. Check to see if there is a parallel with problems that your parents had. People who grow up with parents who fight unfairly often repeat the same behavior. Consider changing the unfair habits that you grew up with.
4. Understand that memories tend to change
In long-standing family disputes, all parties involved tend to have completely different recollections of the original problem. The mind has a way of constantly changing the way it remembers things - to the point that memories eventually bear no connection to real event.
5. Think about how you care for the other person
Families are a curious concept - while family members often feel nothing but resentment for one another, they will also often be there for them should they ever be in serious trouble. When you feel resentment for someone, think about how far you would go for them if they happened to be in trouble. It could help soften you.